Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Isn’t it amazing how our lives have changed in the past few weeks? About a month ago, plans were being made on how to take a much needed vacation. To tour a couple of places and experience more cultures. Yet, here we are now, observing a necessary period of social isolation. Although social isolation is something I’m very familiar with, there is something eery about this one. I’ve reflected a lot more on who I am.(Cogito, ergo sum)

Few weeks ago, on the 2nd of March, out of my own free will and without any animosity, I cut off a certain bond which I formed on the 21st of October, 2014. A bond that was nurtured over 52 months was cut off with just a letter I left on my desk. I moved into a new apartment (which I think is haunted by the way) and began life anew.

Over the past few days, certain words have occupied my thoughts; love, God, family, friendship, professional prestige, death , pain and commitment. I have still failed to reconcile how an all loving God would take my beloved Chinwe. For days, I prayed and hoped against hope. I made promises and cried to heaven like never before. I held her one last time in my arms and from my arms He took her (Literally). At that point, I understood that there are things neither money nor power could solve. I do not fully understand why He allows good people suffer.

In my short life, I have lived, I have tried to love albeit imperfectly, I have grown to normalise pain and I probably have developed a sense of dark humour and a great level of emotional detachment.

The recent events (COVID-19) have left some in quite a pensive mood but I have been extraordinarily calm despite the fact that I have a pre-existing condition which could make the virus more aggressive. I cannot fathom the source of my calmness. Let’s just say I have made peace with brother death.

For the time being, I would read a lot more, listen to a lot more nice music, try to love a lot more, be more carefree, develop myself professionally and when darkness, my old friend, comes, I would welcome it with a fulfilled heart. I would simply live everyday like it is my last and sooner than later, I’d most certainly be right.

I don’t have many regrets. I have so far led a privileged life. An amazing family, a good job, an ok health (of mind and body) and above all, a plethora of true friends.

I am grateful to the amazing friends and relatives who have made life more pleasant and I certainly hope to keep benefiting from their kind heart.

When this is all over, I hope we come out to be more compassionate and more daring in living our lives to the fullest. I hope we come out of it fully aware of how valuable we are to each other. I hope we realise that we are only certain of the here and now. I hope we come out of it with greater clarity and the drive to dedicate ourselves to a noble endeavour. I hope we come out of it, ready to love better.

Lastly, I wish we are able to gracefully pull through the ripple effect of this pandemic; economic, emotional and otherwise.

NB: Do not forget to live life to the fullest. Dream big dreams and keep working towards them.

With love, Quixote